The past few weeks have been like a whirlwind. I have so many funny stories but I will break them up for the next few posts.

Moving Day and Butts.

After months and months and months and …months of going back and forth between the seller, lender and myself, I finally settled on a new home! Yay!  After closing on the house my husband wanted to move right away. I think if we could’ve moved that night and slept on the floor and just left everything he would’ve been fine.  With that mentality, I was left to pack pretty much the entire place we were at alone. Every. Fucking. Room.  On top of that there was a big project that was being rolled out and I had signed up for 100 hour payperiods. Just imagine a zombie in sweatpants and scrubs packing at all hours of the night – that would be me.  Which is why posts have been nil.

Let’s fast forward to moving day  we have the husband bringing boxes into the house and then I am carrying them into their assigned rooms.  The oldest is school so the toddlers are with me. Listen people, moving boxes with toddlers running all over the place, between your legs, under boxes is bananas. Get a babysitter people.  Get a babysitter.

Ari in particular was trying he hardest to make me lose my shit. He started this crazy habit a few weeks ago and it finally came to a head -literally while moving the billionth box from room to room. Ari’s habit has been to bang his head into my butt as some type of repetitive, cathartic form of relaxation. Sometimes he would even get a running start and then run his head smack dab into a butt cheek. He can’t be the only kid that has done this before. This must have happened to another parent. Anyway I have been telling him to stop, no, don’t do that for WEEKS people, WEEKS.

So, I’m moving boxes and he’s following banging his head into my butt. I just couldn’t take it anymore. “Hey Ari, what is wrong with you man?! Why do you keep doing this?” Ari just stares at me.  I thought I needed to clarify. “Ari, I feel frustrated and angry when you keep banging your head into my butt especially after I asked you to stop. I would like to know why you think this is ok.” Ari is still… just staring.  “Do you think my butt is a toy?” “No.” he answers. I am finally getting somewhere! “Do you think that it’s ok to keep doing that when I’ve asked you to stop?” “No”- Ari starts pouting. “So then why do you feel the need to bang YOUR face into MY butt over and over?” Ari stares. “Is it just too soft? Do you like when I get mad at you? Do care that you keep getting in trouble?” Like I need to know whyyyy. Ari thinks for a second his eyes light up–“ I like doing that because your butt is soft and hot!” What now?  “Your butt is soft and hot that’s why!  (Think soft and warm)

I seriously don’t know what to say so I went with “Ari you can’t keep hitting mommy because you like it. That’s not fair to me.” “Ok mommy” Ari replied. However he has told me multiple times that day and since that day how soft and hot my butt is – inside and outside the house. He just follows me and says “Hey mom, your butt is soft and hot and that why I bang my head on it.” And I get the feeling that he’s stopping himself from banging his head on my butt multiple times since.  Current situation: I’m looking for a warm teddy bear or big warm ball for him to rock out with.

Next post I will tell you about Auset and her fear of the new house.

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