The past few weeks  someone in our house has been sick. Last week was Ari. I know shit is about to get real when a super hot limb coming in contact with my bare skin in the middle of the night rips me out of what precious little sleep I get. Ari’s temp peaked at 105.7 and over the course of 5 days we were at the doctorâs office twice, we checked more rectal, oral and axillary temps than probably needed, had a log of temperatures, respirations and heart rates, forced fluids and watched Ari pee to the point he thought it was weird. I would follow him to the toilet to you know â check his output- and he would go âI can pee by myself momâ âŚ. And once Ari was back to normal â BAM! â Iâm sick.
Now me being sick is not fair for two reasons A). I was just sick on my birthday the beginning of this month and B). I gets no love when I am sick.  The past few days have been a blur, I’ve been in and out it, Wednesday was the first day I can really say that I have been up and productive. But the first night I was really sick I remember telling the husband that I needed to go lay down. I had chills, and I was dizzy and just felt awful. âSureâ he answered. See folks, my first mistake was that I took that sure as âI gotchuâ. I woke up to the kids jumping on the bed with a makeshift slide from the bed to the floor that started right above my head. I hear Ari telling Auset not to go back downstairs and my husband telling her to stay upstairs. So wait, they should stay up there with me? Ainât that a bitch? No love I tell you.
Tuesday wasnât even better. I was stiff, sweaty, hot, cold the works. The husband asks âHey should I take off of work?â Akila asks âMom should I stay home from schoolâ And Iâm all like âI can last until yaâll get back homeâ. Kind of like when someone offers you their last piece of gum but you decline because itâs polite. But jokes on me because their questions were just the formalities. Kind of like asking someone do you want their last piece of gum but they’re just offering to be polite, they really hope you say no. Once Akila and Ray was out the door, I curled up on the couch, gave Auset her leappad, gave Ari the laptop with the game slither.io (you should play, very addicting)  up and just zoned out. After dried cereal and finger foods for sustenance, ten thousand âmom Iâm a big snnaakkkeeâ and a million âmom lookâ later, Akila gets home from school. âGreat!Help!â I thought.  Wrong. âI need a minuteâ I heard her say and then zoom! Akila bolted up to her room to never be heard from again. The husband texts âIâm gonna stay at work late tonight.â Now Iâm being punk’ed right? Because wasnât they both going to stay home at first to help?
After awhile I tried to get some sympathy from the eldest so I called her downstairs. âHelp me up babyâ I asked in my sick pouty voice. You wouldâve thought I was a lazy bum. Ari starts screaming âDonât help her up! Let her get up on her own two feet!â Auset is running around screaming ânooooooooâ. Akila tells me âYou just want a hug.â No love I tell you. So, the sympathy card was not getting any play.
Wednesday itâs my turn to go to work. Still feeling like shit in a bag thatâs been kicked, I drag myself in. âYou should call outâ Ray repeats the entire way to work. Like why stay home if Iâm going to work for free? Might as well work and get paid. I drag myself through work knowing that ultimately, Iâm torturing myself. I was supposed to go out to dinner with a bestie that I hadnât seen in months so if I could push through work I could certainly see her tonight. And at about 2pm I get a text to cancel dinner -her daughter is sick. Cool!- I mean I hope she feels better but I can stop pushing myself and I call the husband to get picked up from work . When I tell him that I wasnât going out to dinner heâs like âYou didnât need to go, youâre sick, you need to restâ.
But when we get to the house heâs like âI think thereâs food the kids hid somewhere in the living room, it smells weirdâ. And he knows me. He knows that Iâm going to want to find the food. So I clean under the couch, the toy bin, the lamp table the kids activity table while he sits in the kitchen on the laptop. Something is suspicious. So I asked him to come and lift the couch so I can finish cleaning under it so I can eat and lay down. But ho ho ho, the smell canât be found. And it wasnât coming from under the couch. So, he wasnât going to lift it. Whatever. Iâm going to eat and then lay down as all I could barely swallow that entire day was a mini kitkat. As Iâm eating, This guy turns to me and says, âYou know the kids should go to bed early because they didnât nap and was active all day. And my bullshit barometer is spinning uncontrollably at this point. âWhatchu getting at man?â Like donât flim flam flip flop me. And he goes âI want to go to bed early tonight.â And falls âasleepâ on the couch 20 mins later. So now youâre in the way. And he knows me. He knows if he falls to sleep first I’m not going to be like “Oh ok , uh wake up and I’m going to head upstairs”. I wake him up and tell him to get out of my way and he rolls feet over his head off the couch onto the floor and goes upstairs to sleep and itâs not even 7:30 at night. And like when did he get that flexible?!
But the kids should go to bed early right?! Wrong. Minus the oldest who then fell asleep right where her dad did. Despite her 4 year old brother telling her over and over sheâs taking up space and that she needed to take a bath. I get her upstairs with more effort than I would have liked to used and I try to engage the kids for a bit. By 9:00 Iâm over it. Teeth brushed, butts clean, bring them into my bed ready for some cuddles and storytime. But my throat is so sore I make the kids read me the story. After 2 stories read twice weâve should be done right? Wrong! Fast forward to midnight with two kids that are still awake, kicking laughing and tickling each other, Ray snoring so peacefully and me now bitterly laughing at the absurdity of it all.
Sometime after 12 the kids went to sleep. Who knows the exact time at this point. I do know they tossed and turned all night. 5:30 in the morning was my time. My time to aggravate people. I started by catching Akila going to the bathroom. âRise and shine!!â Take a shower and get ready for school!â âUmmm like itâs 5:30â â âDonât care!â âHey Ray morning! Get up gotta go to work!â At 6:15 â âMorning Ari and Auset rise and shine! Letâs take daddy to work and sis to the bus stop!â I had the whole house up by 6:30. Minus Auset â she wonât get up no matter how hard I try. The true picture of not giving a fuck.  As Ray gets out of the car to go to work  he causally asks âHey are you still sick?â âYup, thanks for asking, have a good day!â zoom! Back to the house so Akila can get her bag and lunch.  I blast Red Hot Chili Peppers to aggravate the kids while we wait for Akila to come back out the house so I can take her to the bus stop. âTurn it down! Itâs too early!!â Ari screams. My throat still feels like rocks are in it so I canât sing so Iâm air guitar-ing it passionately. We get Akila to the bus stop with little aggravation from me but I can fix that when I see her after school.
When Iâm sick I get made into a slide, I get climbed on, jumped on punk’ed, minimal rest, cleaning duty and no love. I will remember this. I got something special for them all.Especially the ring leader. One day soon. Once Iâm at 100% and Iâm not limited to being aggravating. Iâm not like them. I wonât offer the last piece of gum. I will chew the last piece and then pop the bubble in their facesâŚ. But first I should make some hot tea and see if I can get Ari to go back to sleep.
Leave a Reply